We talk about how much we love our kids, how amazing they are..
Autism is hard. It’s grueling, endless, emotional, stressful, relentless– and it’s always there. Sometimes it’s lurking in the backdrop of life, and sometimes it’s front and center controlling every aspect of life. Some days it takes everything just to hold on. There are always battles to be fought, places to be, things to consider, and behind you is this person waiting for you to clear a path for them.
I wish I could say it was just the sleepless nights, the tantrums, the meltdowns, the failed grocery attempts, the medicine dance, or the tales of poop.
That’s the day to day– always buzzing in the background are schools, insurance providers, doctors, specialist, psychologists– all playing a crucial role in life.
And then there’s the end of the day– looking in the mirror questioning every choice, decision, the heavy heart, the heartbreak, the quiet moments when you look over at their sweet faces and wonder, “Have I done enough? Am I doing enough? Will he ever understand how much I love him? How far I would go for him?”
I wish I could say autism was easy. It’s not. It’s life changing, and some days I don’t know if I have what it takes to be the parent this child needs. I guess the silver lining is he thinks I am the cats meow. He loves his mama. And, I love him. That has to be enough.